62 things the Guardians of the Galaxy (mostly Star-lord) cannot do
by theblonde2243
Summary: Inspired by 62 things the Avengers cannot do. Peter makes a list of things the Guardians shouldn't do. Even though the Guardians will do exactly those things again.
1. Rule 1

"Quill we're going the wrong way." Gamora told Peter impatiently.

"No. I am pretty damn sure that Knowhere is this way." He said confidently steering his ship in the direction he indicated. They had just gotten done with a pretty rough mission involving some Chitauri and a dog that Rocket didn't seem to get along with.

"But your wrong. You're heading towards the Nova going that way. I'm pretty sure we will not want to deal with them anytime soon. Knowhere is this I way." She grabbed the controls and steered in the opposite direction. The two then started yelling at each other. Drax, Rocket, and Groot watched from behind. Rocket smirked.

"Drax, Groot doesn't like it when Mommy and Daddy are fighting." The raccoon said in a childish voice. Gamora and Peter stopped arguing and turned to the trio with a mix of confusion, anger, (and in Peter) a little humor.

"I am Groot." The tree agreed confidently. Drax looked most confused of them all.

"Gamora and Quill are not related to us in any way. Much less are our parents." Drax told Rocket. Gamora shook her head and left the room, heading to the sleeping courtiers.

"I was right though. Right?" Peter asked Rocket. Rocket mumbled something under his breath and walked over taking control of the ship. "Rocket?" The raccoon steered the ship in a totally different direction then both Gamora and Peter said.

"Go and get some sleep Quill. And please don't start another fight with Gamora."

"She started it."

"Yeah whatever. Remind me never to say what I said earlier again."

"Why? The mommy and daddy joke was priceless!"

"What I said might've stopped the timer but it didn't defuse the bomb." Rocket said with a smirk. Peter caught on. His smile faded. He was going to get his ass kicked by Gamora when she got up.

Rule #1: Saying "mommy and daddy are fighting" when Peter and Gamora fight doesn't help with the situation.


	2. Rule 2

**Thank you for positive feedback! Just like a lot of you I'm new to the Guardians fandom and I have yet read the comics. So bare with me if some of my names/places are messed up. I'm using my Google the best I can. **

**Also RIP Robin Williams. He made my childhood so much more amazing. **

**I also forgot to say I don't own Guardians of the Galaxy. All copyright goes to Marvel. **

"I'm going to kill you you Rodent!" The man pulled out a gun and pointed it at Rocket. He put his paws up.

"Look I don't want any trouble. Just give me back my money and I'll be on my way." Rocket said calmly. On the outside he was calm. Eyes placed on the thief and the gun. On the inside he was think of a way out of the mess he got himself into and hoped Groot or Quill weren't far behind him. He also wished he had a gun.

"Your money? You don't remember me do you? I don't owe you shit. You owe me ten thousand units for destroying my ship!"

"Wait? Rodger? Rodger Flounder? That was almost five years ago! You can't just let go of the past?"

"Not if the past cost me ten thousand units." Rockets mind was racing. He looked around to find a possible escape. He hid a smirk when he saw Groot and Quill from around the corner.

"Distract him." Quill mouthed. Rocket blinked once for a response. Peter and Groot disappeared once again.

"All right Flounder. I'll get you your money. But first what type of gun are you using?" Flounder looked down at his gun confused.

"What? I don't know! I won it off of some idiot who didn't know how to gamble." Rocket dropped his paws and clenched them.

"And what did this idiot look like?" The raccoon growled.

"I don't know. Tall, muscular, green. Kind of an angry drunk." Rocket growled louder. "What the hell are you growling at?"

"That's. My. Gun." Rocket lunged scratching at the mans eyes. He dropped the gun and tried grabbing at Rocket.

"Rocket get off of him!" Peter yelled.

"I am Groot." Groot yelled grabbing onto his friend who was still trying to claw the man. The man backed off. Peter picked up the gun and aimed it at the man.

"Go before I shoot." Flounders eyes darted between Rocket and Star-Lord. He ran. Peter lowered the gun and turned to Groot and Rocket.

"I told you to distract him not try to kill him. We got your money. Now what the hell was that about?" Groot put down Rocket.

"I'm going to kill Drax." Rocket told the two angrily walking towards ship.

"I am Groot." Groot told Peter.

"Yeah. I agree with you on that. Rocket! Stop!"

Rule #2: Do not try to gamble off Rockets guns.


	3. Rule 3

**Thank you for the favorites/reviews/follows! **

**I don't know how I feel about Drax and Gamora's characterization. So please tell me what you think of it!**

**Don't own Guardians of the Galaxy. **

It was rare For Gamora to actually get sleep after what went down with Ronan. Her friends could tell that. So whenever she fell asleep. The boys took extra precaution NOT to wake her up.

There were just a few times where they didn't.

When Gamora went down to her room. All the boys had been playing some game that Quill called Poker. She told them all she was going down for a nap. She surprisingly fell asleep relatively quickly.

The assassin was woken up by the ships alarms going off. Gamora grabbed her knife and ran upstairs to see Drax flying the ship.

"What was that?" Gamora asked her friend.

"What was what?" Drax asked.

"Why was the alarms going off?"

"The alarm-" he looked down at the control panel, eyes going wide. "Oh so that's what it does."

"You idiot! I was sleeping you know." Drax turned on autopilot and stood up, nervously looking at the assassin.

"I am sorry. I thought it was the air conditioning."

"The-" she paused a moment. Glaring at Drax. "I'm going to kill you Drax." She started walking towards Drax flipping her knife in her hand.

"Gamora we can talk this through." Drax insisted taking steps towards the stairs.

"The only moment of peace from you idiots was taken from me. And you expect me to talk this through with you?"

"Talk what through?" Rocket asked entering the room. He looked between the two. "This is not going to end well."

"I am Groot?" Groot asked walking up behind him.

"No, no don't separate them. Ten units says Quill will intervene and get slapped by Gamora."

"I am Groot."

"No deal? It's because you know I'll win isn't it? Fine." The Raccoon took a seat on one of the chairs and watched Gamora and Drax circle each other. This happened at least twice a week so it wasn't anything new. Drax just hasn't learned not to wake an assassin.

Rule #3: Do not wake Gamora when she is sleeping.


	4. Rule 4

**I don't own anything. **

The Guardians sat at a table in a bar looking at each other intently. The group had finished their gambling for the night and wasn't exactly ready to head back to the ship. Peter tapped his fingers on the table top thinking of something to do. He then remembered a game he and his friends played as a kid.

"So when I was still on Earth my friends and I used to play a game that might- I take that back- WILL be fun to do while drinking." Peter went and ordered a round of shots.

"Okay so we've lived with each other for about four months now. And I still no shit about you all. So this game will teach us a bit about each other without exactly stepping out of our comfort zone. You tell something about your self and the people who haven't faced the thing you have will have to take a shot. Example. I have never been married. Now Drax since you're the only one who has you have to take the shot. Got it?" They all nodded actually interested in what their leader had showed them. "Alright. I'll start. I have never eaten any kind of fish before." Both Drax and Rocket took a shot. Rocket looked between Gamora and Peter.

"How the hell have you never eaten fish before? I mean I understand Groot but you two?"

"I found out going fishing one day on earth that I was allergic to fish so I've never been able to eat it." Peter explained. His friends looked at him surprised. They shook it off and looked at Gamora for an explanation.

"On my home planet it wasn't right to eat fish. When I found out from my tutor I refused to eat fish." Gamora told the boys.

"Alright, alright. Good excuses. But you both are missing out. Now my turn. I have never been to the side of the universe where Earth is." Everyone but Peter and Drax took a shot.

"You guys are missing out. We're totally going to mars to look for Marshens." The others gave him a confused look. He mumbled never mind and turned to Drax for his turn.

"I have never slept with two different women or men in the same night." No one took a shot. Rocket gave Peter a look.

"What? I'm an asshole but I'm not that big of one."

"My turn." Gamora said dropping the subject. "I wish I could go and see my home planet." Rocket and Groot took a shot.

"No. I hated my planet. I never would want to go back there. Never." Rocket said showing a different emotion that no one but Groot has seen before.

"I am Groot." Groot told them all.

"You guys would've liked Earth. It's a lot like Xander except more, I don't know, it had more to see. Everywhere you go you could see different cultures and different types of people. There's people like Howard Stark-who was one of the smartest men on earth- then there are people like us." Peter told them all.

"I wish I could remember my home planet." Gamora confessed looking down at the table. "The stories that were told of it was that it was the most beautiful planet in this realm. And the most peaceful also."

"I remember Earth as you do Quill. I am just lucky I was able to see more of it before Thanos killed my family and turned me into what I am." The group went silent for a few moment. Rocket cleared his throat.

"It's your turn Groot." A smile formed on the trees face.

"I am Groot." Rocket held back laughter as Peter, Gamora and Drax eyes went wide.

"Wait did he just say what I think he just said?" Rocket nodded picking up a glass and raising it up in the air. Four glasses were raised along with it. No one spoke of what their tree friend said again.

Rule #4: No drinking games.

I'm putting the Authors note at the end so I can explain some stuff.

**First off. I totally made up the fish stuff. Don't ask how or why I decided fish. **

**Second. Yes. In the comics Drax was human before he was what he is now. When Thanos killed his family he was turned into this and was abducted and taken into space. **

**Lastly. I will not say what Groot said. **

**Please review! **


	5. Rule 5

**I don't own anything.**

"Now. I get you guys are the guardians of the galaxy. But we did tell you no killing." The leader of the Nova Prime said watching over all the Guardians who weren't particularly listening. "But since I can't send you to jail because we all sadly need you guys. Your punishment is to sit here doing nothing. No talking. No music. No dancing. No nothing. Do you all understand?" The group grumbled in response. "Good. I'll be just outside that door. And if you even think of escaping. Those criminal records will just come back to the way they were before the whole infinity stone fiasco. Do I make myself clear?" More mumbles. The Nova Prime nodded before leaving the room.

The five friends sat in silence for what seemed like hours, each one lost in their train of though.

Drax was thinking about how much he wanted a drink, Gamora was thinking about a way to kill Rocket for getting them into this mess, Rocket was thinking of his next new weapon, and Groot about how he can possibly get his friends out of this mess.

Which leave Peter to think about something he hadn't thought of in years. The Breakfast Club.

As a kid it was one of his favorite movies. His mom didn't let him see it when it came out so he had to lie to see it. He understood that night that every kid, whatever stereotype his eight year old self would set him in, had a home life and might have it just as hard as he did. Peter couldn't help but smile.

"What are smiling about?" Rocket asked tapping his claws against the table top.

"Nothing. It's just that this is just like a movie I saw as a kid."

"What is a movie?" Drax asked. Gamora and Groot also turned toward the trio.

"It's kind of like a story played out in front of you. But the one I was thinking of was the Breakfast club." The others stared confused. "It's about a bunch of teenagers who are all extremely different who bond over a Saturday detention. In the end they called themselves the brains, the princess, the muscle, the outcast, and the criminal. Otherwise known as the breakfast club." They all paused, thinking.

"Gamora would be the princess." Rocket said with a smirk.

"I am no princess. You must be mistaking me for Drax."

"I am not a princess!" Drax told them just a little too loudly for their liking.

"Fine. Gamora you're the princess if you like it or not. You act like her anyway minus the whole assassins thing." Peter confirmed, flinching as Gamora glared at him.

"I am the muscle." Drax told them all. They all agreed with a nod.

"Rocket I think you're the brains since you are the smartest out of us all." Rocket nodded with a slight smile.

"That leaves the criminal and the outcast for Quill and Groot." Gamora said.

"I am Groot." Groot said. Rocket nodded in response.

"Groot suggests you be the criminal since he is more of the outcast of all of us." Peter smiled and nodded happily. An idea then popped into his head.

"Guys. I know we're just getting known as the Guardians of the Galaxy and all but can we change out name to the Breakfast Club?" His friends all groaned and went back to their seats leaving Star-lord the his thoughts. He'll convince them later.

Rule #5: The Guardians cannot be renamed The Breakfast Club

**You know. I have like 30 rules already but none of them are written out. But I do get random bursts of inspiration like this one. **

**I did change some names like jock and basket case because I don't believe those are common terms in the universe and** **I didn't want peter to have to explain more then he had to already. **

**School starts in a week. I'll try to get one more update before then. **

**Who do you think the guardians would be if they were the breakfast club?**


	6. Rule 6

**Last chapter before school starts. Have no clue when I'll update next. **

**I'm** **trying something new. This chapter is going to be in first persons POV (Peters) if you guys like it I'll write more like this. If not I'll stick with third person. **

**I don't own anything. **

I'm going to tell the story on how I almost got killed. Of course being who I am I'm over exaggerating the situation. I wasn't any more near to death as any mission my team and I go on. This one was no different except the fact we were outnumbered and separated, and to be honest, I'm not exactly sure how we got into this position.

I was stuck with Groot and Gamora. Drax and Rocket had gone to find the main controls of the ship to hopefully stop the aliens (I don't even know what they were) from attacking Xander. The plan had gone smoothly until the leader of the aliens figured out we were on the ship. Groot, Gamora and I ran the opposite direction of our friends as a distraction.

"Quill now would be a good time for a plan." Gamora informed me, stabbing one of the things with her knife.

"Well I think I have one."

"How much of a plan?" The assassin asked.

"About 15% of one. Just follow my lead." I dropped my gun to the ground and put up my hands. Gamora glared at me but followed suit. Groot joined us. The aliens grabbed us and put cuffs on our hands in front of our stomachs. That was their first mistakes.

"Put them into separate rooms. Question them all."

"What's the plan Quill?" Gamora asked once again.

"Talk to them in a language only we know how to speak." I told her as I was taken into a different room. I really hope she caught on.

They guard sat me at the table and glared at me. I smirked up at him.

"What's your name?"

"I am Groot." I said simply.

"Okay Groot. What are you doing on my ship?"

"I am Groot." I answered.

"I get your name is Groot but you didn't answer my question. What. Are. You. Doing. On. My. Ship." My smirk turned into a full on smile.

"I am Groot." He started looking frustrated.

"Do you work for the Nova corps?"

"I am Groot."

"Are you a villain or an ally?"

"I am Groot."

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?" It yelled at me. I smiled even wider.

"I. Am. Groot." The thing was about to attack me when the ship jolted to the left.

"What was that?" The thing asked rhetorically. I answered.

"That was my queue." I said standing up. I smacked the thing across the head and kicked him. He hit the wall. I swiped the key and unlocked my cuffs, punching the thing again, knocking it out. I got ready to attack whoever came in the door next. Thankfully it was just Groot and Gamora.

"That was the worst plan you've ever come up with." She told me.

"Good! You caught on. And it wasn't that horrible."

"I am Groot." Groot said.

"See? Groot thought it was a good plan. And it worked didn't it?" She gave me a look.

"Never again. Understand?" I sighed but nodded. "Okay. Let's go find Rocket and Drax before the rest of these idiots do first.."

Rule #6: If you are outmatched by someone responding to everything they say with "I am Groot"

**Okay so quick thing. I've already started the next chapter. (It's absolutely hilarious and amazing and it's going to be long) but how do you guys feel about crossover. Nothing big but stuff like them running into the Avengers or something and having a rule about that? Or maybe even outside of that like I'm open to doing a Doctor who one or even a Firefly? Just review and let me know. I love reading your feedback!**


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